If only I could make you realise.

#347 - lifesong.

Keep my feet, don't let me falter.

# 346 Testify.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Today's text is from 1 Thess 5:18, from the New Living Translation (NLT)

I had a revelation last night. Complete, left me thinking for a good 3 hours.

After watching a little sermon video last night, I realised that God was speaking to me really clearly through it... I got a real strong conviction and once the video ended. I sat on my bed, flipped the bible open to the verses to review them. and then thats where it struck me.

I got down on my knees, next to my bed. and literally started to cry and pray. Haven't cried this much in a really long while..

I realised that I had been depending on my own strength, relying on my own self, rather than God to pick me out of this situation. He was waiting for me to stumble and lose my seemingly good "I am free" record, and then I would feel the guilt all over again. He was waiting there, for me to give up and step onto his hands for me to carry me along the next leg of the journey.

He was waiting for me to surrender, to let go, and to give it all to him. He was waiting to pick me up, and bring me back to him.

He was waiting. The only thing that kept him from diving down and saving me, was myself. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to grab it by the horns and drag it around me as if I were in a matador/bull ring. To slug it out and then do my best to eventually emerge the winner.

The devil isn't after your annointing, he isn't after your calling or your power in Christ. He is after your POWER to use that annointing, to use that calling for God's Kingdom and purpose.

I was incapacitated by him, he held my authority to use any of that. He used shame, guilt, pain and my past to hold me back, to feed lies to me

"why would God use someone like you?"

"How is he going to use you if you're so useless?"

"What are you to him? There are 6 billion people on Earth, what makes you think YOU matter?"

"You don't have any qualifications to justify or carrying out your own calling"

I've only got one thing to say to the devil now. yeah, I'm nothing. I really am nothing. But this thing about God, whom you should know better than I do. is that he has JUSTIFIED me. He has given me the peace, the freedom that I need. He doesn't call those who are qualified, but instead he qualifies those than he has called.

Next thing to learn is, don't expose yourself to it. Don't give the enemy any chance at all to tempt, distract or lead you away.

Genesis 4:7 (New International Version)
⁷ If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

Don't give him the chance to lead you right back into the sin which you hate, which you detest.
The other revelation was that. Don't quit because you know its wrong, and don't hold it just for a "I've been free for *insert number of days*" record.. Leave it, because you love God, because you love God and FEAR God (The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom).

Why? Because God detests sin, but he doesn't detest sinners. He ate with them, he sat with them, he spent his time among and around them.

Romans 6:23 tells us, for the wages of sin, is death. What death is this verse speaking of? No its not the death that we know. Its the death that means eternal separation from God.

Conversely, John 3:16 speaks of eternal life. Likewise, this eternal life that the verse speaketh of, its not just living in heaven, but being WITH God forever and ever.

I don't know about you, but burning in hell for all eternity is not exactly my idea of a safe haven. I don't want to end up in hell. Neither do I want to see the closest of friends down there either. I don't want to go to heaven without any of my friends with me. I don't want to waste this life away and not lead anyone together with me towards the cross, to be Christ-like in all our ways, to be purged from all impurity, to live with a standard of moral conviction and purity, to live to strive for righteousness.

Matthew 5:6 reads "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

note how this verse reads, blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for righteousness, and not blessed are those who ARE righteous. Why? Because we know that we have sin, impure thoughts, impure actions or even the slightest bit of conviction and shame in our hearts. Righteousness isn't a one off declaration. Its not a speech. Its a continual lifestyle, that should be reflected in your words, in your actions and thoughts. This was another area that God spoke to me about.

As I got up from my knees, I tucked myself into bed and wanted to get to sleep. As I let my eyes close, I suddenly felt this force pushing down on me. It was suffocating me. I literally felt the air being knocked out of me, as if there was someone attacking me from both the outside and the inside, attacking both the Physical and the Spiritual. I don't know how to describe what happened next. But I felt this force come from behind me. and then this other force just pushed away the force that was attacking me. I felt like I was in the midst of a war. I was in the middle of a firefight. Someone was on my side, someone was fighting for me. That someone was Jesus. I lay there, unable to move or do anything. Only feeling the forces push against each other. and then watching the force on my side subdue the other.

After this, I felt as though there were heavy chains that were lifted off my shoulders. Whatever shackles that I felt bound my feet were loosened. I felt free.

I felt free.

John 8:36 - "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!"

I was free. And literally, the Son has set me free.

I know today, I can stand, I can walk in righteousness and purity before God. I know that today, if I die and I'm being judged. I can stand justified. I can tell them all about my past. But I can tell them how radically changed I was when the spirit of God came onto me. I know today, that I can walk that narrow route into the gates of heaven. Where the streets are laden with gold, and where the streets have no names. I know that I'm headed His way, and I'm not turning back.

I know that I stand today, different. I stand today changed. I stand today renewed with the strength of God in me.

Whatever is to come, I know I am able to take it on with God on my side. I don't know what lies ahead of me. but I'm making a decision to rise up, stand up for my generation. I'm making a decision to follow, to lead others in the same direction I'm heading towards.

I felt so close to death. yet I'm still alive. I don't want to waste this life not bringing anyone with me.

I am counting on God. and I hope you are too. because I don't want to not see you in heaven with me.

yeah you. I don't want to be in heaven without you.

# 345 this song's for you.

Cause I'm afraid of losing you, before I even get to you
Before I even get to sing this song to you
No not another day without your face,
its killing me, killin' me

I'm afraid to let you go, give you up just for a go
at the life I've been thinking about

I remember those times, we skated in the park
Down to the jetty, where we laughed our hearts out
Waiting for the cars, to come and get us out
Where we shared those moments,
This song is for you.

So tangible, yet so volatile
So real, yet it seems like one of those fantasies
Dreams that never seem to make it to reality

It feels double-sided at times, but that doesn't last
I'm clearing my mind,
these questions attacking me
demanding answers from within

I'm afraid to let you go, give you up just for a go
at the life I've been thinking about

I remember those times, we skated in the park
Down to the jetty, where we laughed our hearts out
Waiting for the cars, to come and get us out
Where we shared those moments,
This song is for you.

the result of some deep thought and a boring class.

# 344 - The paradox.

The paradoxical nature of leaving with the intention of staying, yet staying true to the original paradox that involved staying but leaving. But how does leaving become staying? and how so does staying become leaving? Staying, yet leaving, yet staying, strange yet so true and sophisticated. So tangible yet so volatile. So real yet it feels like a fantasy. So what do you do now?

Where do we go, where do we go?

# 343 so I just did an irreversible mod on my #1 strat

and I'm in love with the guitar even more.

The PRS which costs four times as much is still my "B" guitar..

# 342 I really need my IEMS

Either a pair of UM3x (Westone) or custom fit LiveWires.

Either one is gonna run me a fair bit of money.

Either way, I'm going to be broke.

# 341 man..

this week was really high expenditure..

but I'm gonna have some moolah reeling in soon. Clearing out all the excess gear I really don;t need since I'm trying to condense and downsize my uber huge set up that is a huge PITA to lug to jams and all.

The new macbook pros are so delicious. The only turn off for me is the non-removable battery. WHY APPLE WHY! Guess I'll stick with my older macbook for now...